My mother doesn't play "hardball" like other kids'...
friend: let's go to a party
me: i can't i'm ugly
I bet James Bond really likes chicken nuggets but...
most-awkward-moments: starkassembled: zeldea: why cant america just use celsius it’s so much easier to spell than feiehreirheineiheit Because Fahrenheit starts with an F for FREEDOM, not a C for COMMUNISM because everyone needs a dancing eagle on their dash. You’re welcome.
And now a moment...with my mother:
I had my alarm set for 1 p.m. today so I’d wake up on time for my doctor’s appointment at 2.30p.m; When I woke up and rolled over, I saw my mother in my room telling me my appointment is at two. I tell her, “No. It’s at 2.30.” She says, “It’s at two.” “No…2.30.” “Your appointment card says 2.” I take the card from her,...
if i ever get kidnapped: how will i update my blog
people I call "dude."
male friends: dude
female friends: dude
cis friends: dude
queer friends: dude
trans* friends: dude
my parents: dude
my boss: dude
the president: mr. dude
the queen: your dudeness
the pope: holy dude
Pretty sure if you get stung by a wasp before 11...
I mean, all I wanted was some Shia peen. Nobody told me I was going to witness a...– dlisted (via mrgreendidit)
When your parents have spent half an hour yelling...
You done? You feel better? I can go now?